shubeenuba

Me: if i never look at an i beam or hear the words shear stress and normal stress
Me: it'll be too soon

John: haha
John: im sorry im not responding frequently
John: just studying while im on aim =]

Me: oh no worries
Me: same
Me: and listening to owl city

1:02 John Bautista has left the conversation.

Me: it tells me when you close the window
Me: sad

John: lol

Me: "1:02 John Bautista has left the conversation."

John: i told u.. im studying
John: LOL
John: u know im still here righ
John: i just closed the box
John: haha

1:04 John Bautista has left the conversation.

Me: bastard

Today there is a shoot at work. They're recording voice over for one of their new projects. And yet again, I am not involved. And I am envious of those who are.

i got to work once:



and i play make up artist sometimes:



just gets tough sometimes. leaving a job that has it's highs and lows, always makes me indecisive.

The Job Hunt still sucks. I've applied to as many jobs as I'm qualified. And it's still tough. No bites. At all. It's a disappointment but I'm gonna keep trying. I know it's holiday season so it'll be tough. but it still gets disappointing.

I don't have much of a social life.  I don't go out much.  My weekdays alternates between school and work.  My weeknights consist of familial obligations. My weekend consists of school work.  In a protest against this habitual life, I sometimes freeze up.  I'll just zone out and spend the night on AIM and watching to see if I got any new mail.

Occasionally there will be a movie playing on my second screen. Maybe a book in my hand. Or I'll do routine tasks of no significance: shredding confidential papers, laundry, writing out bills for my parents, planning out my grandparents medicines, or reading blogs.  Not too much more than that.

Not having physical contact with people you like is hard.  I see my co-workers whom are nice to talk to but dies on the personal level.  I talk to my classmates, whom I wish I knew better but neither of us have the time to.  I see my family, whom I argue with or avoid when possible.

It's not as depressing as it seems, but it's not fun.  Contact to friends lies in the Instant Messenger and the Gmail screen. 

I really need to make more time for me.  For friends. But guilt of my responsibilities hovers over me.

What makes us who we are?  Countless movies, dramas, tv shows, research studies and college students have tried to solve this conundrum.

We are three dimensional people.  No one person has seen every side there is to see, no matter how intimate.  There is always a side hidden inside, safe from the outside world.  A close friend will never be able to describe the entire essence of a person, only the defining qualities.  So what does this mean to the existence of the self?

Everyday, change occurs.  Nothing remains static.  A piece of us changes with every passing breath, whether we notice it, choose to acknowledge it or express it.  Typically, college students commit to journeys either discovering these changes, creating these new identities, or grasping onto remnants of the past self.  In a moment of time, what exactly are we?

I lost the image that was my grandfather a few months ago.  Due to some ill medical advice from a peer, my grandfather, old and impressionable, chose to change his medications, resulting in a stroke.  Everyday, for the next several months, I cared for what was now the person within my grandfather's body.  No longer was he the strong, independent, and supportive father figure I once looked up.  Now, he was a dependent, uncommunicative, and lost complaining grandfather.  Did I care for him for he was once was? Who I wish he could be once more, impossible as it may be?

It was painful.  Seeing someone disappear into the ages.

Retrospectively, would we choose to keep one version of ourselves over others?  one version of our friends over others?  Does this mean that as we continue to grow as humans, we continue to lose a piece of ourselves as well?

Since this summer, I've felt disconnected to people.  Realizing that an incident may instantaneously change who we are.  To keep everything static, I've tried to pause the images I have of people, only to realize that is how I began to lose them. 

I don't know what piece of myself to let go and what piece to move on.  Acceptance and adaptation may be the hardest pieces of life.

My New Years Resolution was to watch one movie in the theater every month (in order to support the industry).

This year I have seen:
- Gran Torino
- Milk
- The Wrestler
- How to Be
- Wolverine
- Star Trek
- Up
- The Hangover
- The Proposal
- Ice Age 3
- Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
- Public Enemies
- (500) Days of Summer
- Julie and Julia
- District 9
- Inglorious Basterds
- Nine

17 Movies and I'm beginning October soon.  If I watch 7 more movies, I think I can average 2 movies a month.  This is the first resolution I may have actually kept. =)

Total movies watched this year thus far = 62

Last week was morally draining.  I was confused a lot.  And I questioned myself, doubted myself and belittled myself.

This week is redemption for the previous.

Goal: make no excuses. 

Everyone's heard the song.

Most people saw the music video.

I just wanted to post it because I love the angle of this suburban anarchy.

Reminiscent of District 9 meets V for Vendetta meets City of God.

So instead of adding the original, I added the spoof by Affion Crockett (Wild N' Out Fame)

I took a break from studying and decided to read Newsweek. 

Saw a really great cartoon entitled: What if Walter Cronkite Tweeted. "Nixon Resigns. LMAO!"  "OMG! We Landed on the Moon!"

Hopefully thinking about this will get me through tomorrow.